Tag Archives: coparenting

Happy Valentine’s Day

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Matt and I don’t necessarily celebrate Valentine’s Day, I mean we don’t go out and do anything really. Restaurants and places are too busy. And this year it falls on a Friday, so Matt works. I do try to do a little something for the kids. I have little gifts that will be set out for them when they get home from school. I like to think of Valentine’s Day as just celebrating love in general. I feel secure in my marriage and we celebrate love every chance we get in many different ways. I feel loved every day, and I hope I make him feel loved every day. This week he showed love by helping with household duties. This week I worked at the hospital a lot, and he picked up some slack at home. That makes me feel loved. Supporting my goals, hobbies, every crazy idea I come up with – that makes me feel loved. I’ve been on a journey to live a healthier lifestyle so a box of chocolates would not make me feel loved right now! Haha 🙂

Growing up I experienced a major “love deficit” from my biological mother. I know it has changed my love language and how I feel loved. Maybe I didn’t get it right the first time, but I now have a partner that shows me love every day in the way I need to feel it.

My first marriage was not “bad.” Nothing “bad” happened, maybe that’s why we have an amicable divorce. Sean and I are truly good friends and coparent in a loving way. I was still very broken when I met Sean, and my needs in that marriage were more than he could handle. He didn’t understand my love language or my “love deficit,” and that was not his fault. Our marriage felt like we were just good friends. So, we just maintained that friendship and let go of the romantic ties. He’s great at showing love as a coparent, teaching our son respect for his mother, and great at showing love as a friend. I’m so thankful we have a healthy coparenting relationship for our son. I have no regrets because we have a handsome, intelligent, creative, caring, compassionate son from that relationship.

We all have a reason to celebrate love today, whether you’re married, single, or whatever your status is. Good friends that love on you, your kids that love you unconditionally, parents that have shown you love all your life, or substitute parents that showed love, or maybe you are focused on yourself, self-care and loving yourself right now – we all have some form of love to celebrate today.

Always on the Go!

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As a mom of 2 boys, I feel like I am always on the go. Logan is in Pre-K at an elementary school and needs to be dropped off around 7:15am, picked up 2:15pm. Blake is in middle school and rides the bus to/from school. On Mondays they have hockey, on Tuesdays they have basketball practice, Wednesday morning I drop Blake and his friend off at school early for Chess Club, Wednesday afternoon Logan has OT, Saturday is for basketball games – Logan at 8/9am, Blake 7/8pm. T-ball season will start up again when basketball ends, only Logan does that one, but it is usually 2 nights per week. Blake is in band so add a concert here and there. Oh, and I have to fit some shifts in at the ER at some point lol. And some quality time with the husband.

I’ve been working on my mental health recently, and one thing I’ve started doing is changing the way I think about things – turning negative thoughts into positive. Instead of “I’m so tired, ugh I have to fill up my gas tank AGAIN, ugh I have to air out the hockey stuff when we get home, but I’m so tired…” I turned it into:

“It’s a busy season of life, but I love watching my boys do things they love. I love watching them be active – so much better than screen time. They are learning valuable lessons about teamwork and discipline. I’m BLESSED to be able to afford a nice reliable car to transport them, I’m BLESSED to be able to afford the gas to transport them. And when it’s my turn to transport Blake to/from basketball, it’s just the two of us and I really enjoy that one-on-one time with him because we don’t get as much of that anymore. I’m GRATEFUL to have such a great coparenting relationship with Sean, and that all 3 of us get along well and work together to make sure the kids are cared for and get where they need to be.”

As I type this, it is 6:40am on a Saturday morning. Saturdays are long, but I’m grateful to be alive on these long days. Logan has a basketball game this morning at 8am. Blake’s is later tonight at 8pm. Matt goes to work at noon on weekends, so he will miss Blake’s game. I have a sitter coming to stay with Logan because he goes to bed at 7:30pm. We try not to disrupt bedtime with him. Keeping them on routines, or as close to routine as possible, helps everything run smoothly.

I challenge you to take one negative thought you have today, and think about how to turn it into a positive. One simple change in your mindset can make a huge change in your mental health and how you handle the day.